


The Origins and Consequences of a Sex Mirror

by Somebodys_Hermione



Series: Veth Brenatto as Beau's Personal Antagonist [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Chaotic Shenanigans, F/F, Pure Unprocessed Comedy, but is really only canon compliant when it suits the comedy, implied BDSM, starring Veth Brenatto as Beau's personal antagonist, technically post ep 111
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26692432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somebodys_Hermione/pseuds/Somebodys_Hermione
Summary: Veth finds out about the mirror and decides on how to make this funnyOr: The Mighty Nein decide how to react to Caleb's gift
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: Veth Brenatto as Beau's Personal Antagonist [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043559
Comments: 10
Kudos: 152





	The Origins and Consequences of a Sex Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I should make it clear that this is *not smut*. This is antithetical to the institution of smut. There are no sexy times here.  
> Many authors have written smut for this scene much better than I ever could. I just felt in my soul the need to make sure the world also recognizes the Inherent Comedy of gifting your friend a sex mirror when your friend and you are a member of the M9

It hadn’t occurred to Beau there might have been unexpected consequences to the mirror, but she is most definitely thinking about them right now as she stared down at the unwrapped package in her lap. 

“Veth, what the  _ fuck.” _

The exterior of the package had simply been nondescript butcher paper, and it had utterly not prepared Beau for finding a pair of goddamn handcuffs inside. (Though she probably should have been clued in by the absolute shit-eating grin on Veth’s face). 

“What? I figured I should contribute to the  _ Get Beau Weird Sex Shit _ event. If it really takes off, we can make it an annual thing. We can add streamers and everything. I’m thinking custom mugs.”

“ _ Veth-”  _ Beau cut herself off, as she realized that there wasn’t really any way to argue with the halfling, so she changed tracks, holding up the handcuffs with her index finger. “Veth, these are  _ hot pink _ .”

“So? It was all I could find and Yeza said it should be fine.”

“You...you talked to Yeza about this purchase?” Beau could feel herself turning slightly red but she couldn’t decide what emotion was causing it. 

Veth looked at her like she was stupid. “ _ Obviously _ , Beau. I wasn’t going to get you something I hadn’t already tested first. I needed to make sure they were quality.”

“Holy  _ fu-” _

“They’re pretty strong. I don’t think even Yasha could break them  _ too  _ easily.”

“Veth, I am going to kill you.”

The smaller woman narrowed her eyes. “I’d like to see you try.”

Only one chair ended up broken before Beau got a crossbow bolt to her foot. 

***

Fjord was getting the hang of this meditation thing. He and Caduceus had spent the morning quietly sipping tea and listening to the sounds of nature around them. Fjord could get used to this. 

As he sat there watching Caduceus stare pensively off into the middle distance, Fjord tried hard to think about the deep and spiritual things he was sure were filling the clerics head. 

When Caduceus finally spoke up, he didn’t even look up. 

“What do you think Beau’s mirror is for?”

Fjord spat out all of the tea he had just taken a sip of and claimed he did not have any idea. He did, in fact, have many ideas but none of them were things to ever be spoken into existence. 

***

Beau had slept in that morning after having stayed up late into the night pouring over her notes. When she finally made it down for breakfast, she barely managed to get her ass into a chair and pour some of the juice Yasha handed to her into a glass. 

After several minutes of small talk with Veth and Yasha, Beau was still yawning. After the 7th time, she managed out an apology. “S-Sorry, I just had trouble getting out of bed this morning.”

Veth nodded sagely and, turning to Yasha, said, “It's probably the handcuffs.”

Yasha snorted. 

This time 3 chairs needed to be repaired. 

***

Jester was sitting on Beau’s bed, waiting for Beau to be ready to go. After a few minutes too long (by Jester’s standards), the tiefling dramatically flung herself backward and after staring up for a few seconds finally said, “You know, Beau, I wouldn’t have thought you’d like fancy people mirrors.”

And Beau shouldn’t have asked, she really shouldn’t have, but the pure curiosity of it was just too much for her. “What-what do you mean, Jester?”

“You know, the mirrors people have because it's fancy.”

“I...really don’t think I do know, actually.”

“My mama had one of these mirrors at the Chateau and when I asked her what it was she said it was a thing that a suitor gave her because it was a thing fancy people gave each other, like really expensive perfume or something.”

“Oh, uhhhhhhhhhh, that’s not, I mean-”

It was at that point that Yasha knocked on her door, so Beau was luckily saved from having to answer. But as they walked down the hall she saw Jester shrug and mutter to herself, “I guess it must be Yasha who liked the fancy mirror” and Beau wanted to die. 

****

They had a day free and everyone was looking forward to having the day to themselves to do whatever they’d like in the city. However, before they were all able to break off on their own, Veth made a point to loudly proclaim, “Well, Caleb and I have already made our contributions, so I’m excited to see what everyone else is getting.”

Fjord made the face that he always did when he was fairly certain he didn't want to know the answer to a question but was going to ask anyway. “Contributions to what, Veth?”

“To the first annual  _ Getting Beau Weird Sex Things  _ event. Tell me you all aren’t going to let me down here. I wrote everybody a note”

“Veth…” there was a threat inherent in Beau’s voice but it did not seem to faze Veth in the slightest. 

“I don’t remember getting a note,” Caduceus added as if that was the important point there. 

“I won’t let you down, Veth, I promise,” Jester said, incredibly solemnly. 

And with that, the group had splintered off into smaller groups, with Beau being gently guided away by Yasha before she could start another fight with Veth. 

In the end, all that remained was Caleb and Veth standing alone together in the square. The wizard turned to his companion and simply smiled. Veth smiled back. 

***

Caduceus had somehow ended up in a very flowery smelling store with Fjord and the two of them were simply standing looking very confused. 

“We really shouldn’t listen to Veth.”

“No. No, we shouldn’t,” Fjord shook his head. 

“But...if everybody else gets her something, maybe we should too?”

“I mean, I’d hate for us to seem as if we were the only people who didn't care.”

“That is true,” and Caduceus rubbed his chin. “But what would we get?”

“I feel like I know more than I’d ever want to about Beau’s sexual preferences, and I don’t want to get her  _ anything _ related to that.”

“What about a nice bubble bath?”

“Sounds perfect, lets get that.”

And so Fjord and Caduceus left the shop with a bottle of bubble bath that smelled faintly of lavender and an agreement to never discuss this topic ever again. 

***

Jester had been very secretive all day about what she was making for dinner, so it didn’t really come as a surprise to anyone when dinner finally arrived and Jester served everyone bowls containing pasta in the shape of small dicks. 

It was so in character that no one even questioned it until Jester announced, “And this is for you Beau!” 

“W-what?” Confusion was clearly written on Beau’s face, but that did not seem to register to Jester yet. 

“Veth said to get you weird sex shit! So I did! I got dick pasta!”

“Jester….I’m  _ gay _ .”

“ _ Ohh _ right, I didn’t think about that.” 

Everyone turned back to continue eating, and after several minutes Veth quipped, “Do you think they make, like...titty pasta?”

Casualties for that encounter included 2.5 chairs and Caduceus’ bowl of pasta. 

***

Beau was sitting in her room, sulking and covered in pasta sauce, so she wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone. Still, when she heard Yasha quietly ask if she could come in through the door, she grumpily told the barbarian to come in. 

“I-I know you’re frustrated with everyone, but I did get you something today.”

Looking up, Beau saw that Yasha was sitting in front of her and holding out a small black box. She was a little wary because of everything everyone kept pulling, but gods, one look in Yasha’s eyes, and Beau couldn’t say no to this woman. 

So she took the box. 

Inside was what originally just seemed to be a jade bracelet, but on closer inspection it was actually jade beads, alternating around with beads in a steely grey color. 

Yasha seemed a bit sheepish and as Beau inspected it, she explained, “I know your father always said the Jade bracelets were lucky, but I wanted you to have something that was lucky for you all on its own. Something that really belongs to you, you know?”

Beau was rarely speechless, but at that moment she was  _ speechless.  _ “Yasha, that was so sweet, you-you didn’t have to, fuck, this is so nice, thank you.” Without thinking, she flung out her arms to hug Yasha. And for a second she even felt Yasha hug her back. But then they both realized what they were doing and pulled back, embarrassed. 

“Thank you, Yasha. This was very nice of you.” Beau was trying to be as sincere as possible while also turning bright red and being unable to make direct eye contact. 

Yasha has also turned red and was awkwardly rubbing her neck when she blurted, “Well, it was that or a ball gag.”

Beau began choking on her own saliva.

  
  


_ One Year Later  _

“Caleb, I need a ride somewhere, YouCanReplyToThisMessage”

***

The months since the Mighty Nein had finished their Ultimate Fight had been some of the happiest of Beau’s life. She and Yasha had decided to see the world, occasionally checking up with some friends along the way. They were now on Tal’Dorei, and had settled in a small house they could cook in, and invite friends to and sleep upstairs on the nights they weren’t out traveling. Beau never really got used to waking up every morning next to Yasha but she loved every minute of it. 

They’d just got back from a longer trip and Beau was looking forward to their bed. While Yasha dealt with the horses, she began the trek upstairs to collapse under the covers. 

Resting on the bed was a medium package wrapped in non-descript butcher paper. 

She didn’t have a clue what the package could be, but it was probably some sort of delivery that Yasha had gotten before they left, so Beau picked up and unwrapped the package. 

She stared down. 

“God fucking dammit.  _ Veth!” _

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely TheWisdomQueen's fault. Blame her.


End file.
